3 REASONS YOU DON'T FOLLOW THROUGH WITH YOUR CHILDREN

We've all done it. Some a little more than others 🤫

We've let our children do things we know they shouldn't!

• Giving an instruction and not following through when they don't.
• Making them a different dinner after telling them you wouldn't.
• Letting them do the early morning climb-into-your-bed when you've spent the last week breaking this habit.
• Giving in to tears and tantrums - yep, this one gets us all at one time or another!
• Not making values a non-negotiable, like tidying up, manners or listening when spoken to.

I encourage you to think of examples that apply to your mothering, your children and your home. We've got different contexts, but this issue is still the same: we let our children behave in ways that give us the feeling of 'dang - I really shouldn't let that slide'.

So why do we and why does it matter?

Firstly, you get to decide if it matters or not. Afterall, you're an adult, an individual with your own life to live. Noone knows your situation, your values or your children like you do, so the expectations and follow through you have with your children is yours to own. That's what I'm encouraging: own what you do and why.

But you're reading this, so I'm having a guess you're at least curious about following through with your children.

To help, I'm sharing the top 3 reasons mums don't follow through with their children. Ready? Let's do it.

1. You don't want the conflict. Seriously, most of us don't go into the world seeking interactions of anger, screaming and conflict, do we? And I'm sure you can attest; some little people can have HUGE responses when an adult tries to guide a behaviour they don't want to do. If you choose not to follow-through because you'd rather the calm, you're not alone, I promise. 

2. You feel sorry for your child. This is a response that could be from your personality or from your past. Check in over the coming days to notice how you feel when others are showing emotions. What arises in you? Do you want to make them stop? Do you go into 'fix-it' or 'cheer-up' mode? Does it change YOU'RE feelings when your child is upset?

3. YOU'RE JUST DANG TIRED! This is a very common reason parent's don't follow through with their children. Their exhaustion leaves them with no physical, mental or emotional energy, so the response is often, 'whatever', 'ok', 'if you must' or pretending not to notice. I'm sure you can relate and rightfully so - parenting is definitely a fatiguing role!

But now what?

Know that there are going to be times you don't follow through and that's ok. You ARE human, so you can't be on and at your best all the time. There're steps you can take however to help be more consistent in guiding your children's moral and social development, 'cause really, that's what this conversation is about. It's about you teaching your children how to be a successful, fair, respectful and contributive member of society. It's you helping them learn systems, strategies and behaviors designed to support them as they age into adulthood. 

That's my first step. Come out of the here-and-now to intentionally think about your child as a teen or adult, to think about the future. What qualities, skills and dispositions do you believe will support them? Then consider what that looks like when you back-track these goals to specific actions in their life? For instance, if you think it's important for your child to have a strong work ethic, to be tolerant of others, to have resiliency when times get tough or to have a clean home, where and how will they learn that as children? Could it be having responsibilities in the home, like putting their clothes in the laundry, for instance?

The second step is a tricky one, but oh-so-necessary. And the reason I created EMPOWERED the membership. It involves you building the capacity to self-reflect with compassionate curiosity so you're parenting with purpose, not reactivity. You'll choose to do this analysis to determine if you're not following through because you're reacting to a 'you-issue', not in fact, an issue with your child!

Before I head off, knowing fatigue and exhaustion are primary factors in parenting, I urge you to make your wellbeing a priority by eating nutritious food, resting when you can, taking time for things that light you up, and by being kind to yourself. You're doing great in this hard, hard role. Pick your battles beautiful mumma. Your children will be just fine.

If you want help to compassionately explore the why of your behaviors, to get clear on what DOES matter to you in raising children, or to have an empowered conversation, book a coaching call with me HERE

Catherine x